Vain individuals

So, I am at work and I am sitting at my old desk on hold. I looked at the coworker's desk (you know the holier than thou...) and there is a mirror underneath the monitor, so said individual can stare at themselves. Hmm. I knew that said individual was a brown-nosing, holier than thou but to need to look at yourself during you work day-that is VAIN. I guess I am just yodeling about this because I dislike this individual and am so close to their desk....maybe I should...maybe I shouldn't......

Lauren (not Laura) is so hungry she could eat a house

So, Lauren is so hungry she could eat a house. My only response was "don't be goin and makin no people homeless cuz your hungry." I don't think I've ever been that hungry. I know I've said Blah blah blah horse before, and I think I ended up eatting beef. I could have eaten a horse though probably if 1) I was actually insane, and 2)It was prepared with some delicious sauce or marinated. I only say this because venison is good. cow is good. However I don't think I would want to eat something man-made. That would probably destroy your digestive track.

Self Control/willpower/things I lack

So, I quit drinking almost 4 months ago-really-and no problem. I thought that would be the hardest thing to do, but it isn't. Quitting smoking has been the most problematic thing I am facing in these days. I actually have enough control to not pull the fire alarm at work-but I really have to force myself not to do this when I walk down a particular hallway at work. So, I generally avoid this. But when I walked down this hallway today, I had to to fight the urge to pull the alarm like I always must when I walk down this hallway. It is so hard to do-you see the fire alarm, and you know that you are suppossed to pull it (but the time is not right) but it is begging to be pulled. That is it's sole purpose. It is not there to tell time or make a lovely addition to the wall; it is meant to be pulled and that is all. But I digress-I made it through the day without pulling the fire alarm.

SWEET MONKEY TUESDAYS!

This, being Thursday as well, was definately not one. I woke up to a redneck screaming on my answering machine at 10am, I dropped a soda and had it pour all over the "coffee table" and carpet, I opened the upside down bottle of ketchup that was left on the counter and it poured out of the bottle all over, and then dropped the bottle while putting it away, therefore splattering ketchup residue all over the refrigerator and floor. I was sure the way this day was going that my car was going to blow up on the way here; lately, it seems to want to idle at 3500rpm. How about it knew I was looking at other cars in the paper last night and behaved. Hmm.

So, I have to work this weekend, and hopefully my next day off, which is Tuesday of next week, will be a sweet monkey tuesday. I am going to see if someone can take me to look at some cars a bit up the road.

Cats and unfulfilled waffle promises....

I must apologize to the cat for all the lies and purposefully misleading her. I'll be in bed and want the cat to come and lay on the bed, and I have made numerous repetive lies to the cat about there being a waffle smorgasbord in my bedroom with all of the waffles you can eat as well as all of the syrup you can handle. I do apologize dear cat, but you would thing you might realize this after the first 10 times it happened..........

I am a day off this week.

So, I thought Tuesday was actually Wednesday. I missed an appointment Monday morning. That must have been what threw my entire week off. So, I get to work and am in the middle of something and realize that I am suppossed to be in a meeting. So, I finish what I am doing and go to the meeting. I poke my head in the door and realize this is not my meeting. I apologize, but they tell me that my meeting is in another room. So, I go to that meeting and walk in. I apologize for being late; at this time I realize I am the only male in the room. They tell me the meeting is over. Then, the manager holding the meeting tells me that this meeting was not my meeting-mine is probably tomorrow and is a team meeting. I find out it is. The meeting ends and we go back to our desks.

I find out I have a meeting at 6 for this survey thing, so I go to that. The office is empty and the lights are off. I wait. I wait. I wander. I meander down to Laura's desk and perch on the side of a cubicle. She eventually looks up and I wave to her. She looks confused, so I go back to meandering around the building. No sign of my meeting. I checked the location and time a few times. Odd, the one time I am in the right place at the right time and nothing is going on. Hmm.

So, my coworker Rachel got a 2004 candy apple red Mustang Gt convertible this weekend. She had it for about 30 minutes before some moron in an Expedition plowed into the side of her car-they had to cut the door off to get her mother out. Pretty messed up. Time to eat. Later

i LOATHE mondays

Monday, the worst day of the week, should be eliminated. They should extend the weekend and make Tuesday the first day of the week with Friday being the traditional end of the week. I am sure a lot of crap happened on mondays, but can't seem to find some great list of crap so we should assume that everything bad in the world happened on a monday. it gives you enough time to regroup before the weekend. hiroshima probably occured on monday. yeah, I do not care for mondays.

We have a new grille.

Yes friends and other, Laura and I are the proud owners of a new grille. Yes we are. It is new, and at this time still wrapped in plastic in my car. Yes, It is just as crappy as our last grille but miniturized and has no legs (ba cha ba cha). I know that you are on the edge of your seat waiting for one of our super great best in world cook outs. Rest assured, cook outs will ensue. Oh yes my darlings, we will hockeypuck some burgers and burn the chicken. Okay, hopefully we will not do either. But life happens.

I am better now. Really

Surprising how just a day off will clear your head. I feel so much better. Honest. Hey, I was just talking to Nikki and she reminded me of a situation in high school where a friend we met when we were seniors. Well, our English teacher, who rode a bicycle to school, almost got hit by said friend the year before. I really forgot about that.

However, things are occurring around me that I don't have control of. I wish that I didn't hold grudges. (At least mine aren't like that movie...) I wish I had a million dollars. I wish I had a decent car. I wish they told me not to bother with paying off my school loans. But one of my pressing wishes is to have heat, hot water and be able to cook which should come true this weekend.....

Holier than Thou

I really hate those people. "I am better than you, I am an important princess. Are you listening to every beckoning call?" These are the words that I repeatedly imagine coming out of my coworker's (the one that I had a problem with) mouth. I don't think that I have ever been uppity, but who knows? Everyone's perception of others is their own. ANYCRAP, BACK TO MY RANTING. "The world is MY OYSTER, so get me some cocktail sauce you." You know, I am sure that if something was stuck that far up my rear that I would be uncomfortable enough to walk around funny, but not enough to the point of being perky every minute of every hour (except for that brief instant when this individual became SATAN during our conversation). I hate perky too. I would need serious COCAINE to be that pleasant. Which reminds me of this lady at the government center. She seemed to be the queen of valium, and when i asked her where the bathroom was she started using both hands to direct me in the fashion of an air traffic controller. Hmm. I could barely get the directions because I was about to burst out laughing. But things happen. I'm sure she's really nice. I just don't trust her. What does she do when she gets off work? Light up a blunt in the car and drive home flicking people off while driving like a maniac. I know we all have imperfections but some people's are funny.

Like the lady at the gas company. I was waiting for her to say, "Sir, I am better than you-please hangup your phone and get off of my line." "I have all the power in the world. I am a customer service supervisor" was the impression I got from her. She informed me that it is my responsibility to make sure I get a bill every month, my responsibility to make sure they receive my payment. "So, I got to get in the car, drive 30 miles, spend 20 minutes looking for parking and then stand in 2 lines for 45 minutes?" I asked. "No sir, you can mail the bill." I almost crapped myself, but was able to respond "Not really. That's what I did do and now I am standing here without gas." What is really messed up is we requested a bill 2 weeks ago and nobody said anything about not getting our last payment. So, we are going on day 5 of no heat, hot water or being able to cook. However, we are going to Craig's tomorrow to take showers, wash clothes, cook and wash dishes and have heat and play with cats. Yay!

Today's issue with NOLD FAITHFUL (my car)

So, I leave to come to work. Everything is as fine as it can possibly be with my car. So, I am 3 blocks from my house and something happens. The car starts running like a lawnmower. I am worried that I am not going to make it to work because I can tell the car is not running on all cylinders. I wonder which ones are providing power to the engine. I am at the Walgreens next to a big white van with a giant roof and I look over because I feel someone staring at me. Some downs syndrome kid is staring at me with this giant smile. I start pulling away as the light turns green and I keep running strong with the van. I can't help but notice that the person is still staring at me smiling. I get all the way to World Access, keep in mind running on 3 cylinders, and lose them when I pull into the lot. I am livid about the whole car until I go out during my lunch and pop the hood. Problem is that one of the spark plugs is not even attached to the distributor. Hmm that may be why the engine is running like a lawn mower. But Laura sent me this link, and the bad thing is I am considering one of these "vehicles" if the price is right. Yes, Bob I want to drive a golf cart.

http://www.mitsuoka-motor.com/english/lineup/microcar/index.html