Skiing at Wintergreen.

I went skiing at wintergreen the day after christmas. Actually snowboarding and blading. I realized while snowboarding that I am tired of winter activities and that this was way too much work for such little fun. I learned to ski at wintergreen when I was 3 years old. Either I am a fast learner, or my mom drives a bottle of vodka. I'll have to ask my dad. Regardless, I decided that I was tired of this when I busted my @$$ within 5 seconds of beginning down the hill. The rest of the run was flawless, until I planted getting off the lift. That run was flawless as well, and I did do a bit of showing out. But my feet weren't used to my snowboard boots, so my arches are literally in pain. I decided to try my mom's ski blades. I grabbed my ski boots (I took my board and skis-turns out my skis are so old that they can't calibrate them due to liability issues) and, with a few minor adjustments, was ready to take off on the blades. Blades are smaller than kid's skis and have rounded edges. My mom had said they would be slow because they were the small ones or some crap like that. WRONG. I learned quick that weight had a LOT to do with velocity on these blades. I am sure that there were sparks coming from my feet as I took off down the hill. It was like national lampoon's christmas vacation and the sledding thing when clark put the food additive on the thing.

So, I am flying down the hill-I think I hit a few people with my poles-and that's when the inevitable happens. I am used to young kids who have no idea what they are doing run into me on the slopes at least 1 time per trip. Apparently, the blades were on a vendetta, avenging me to non skiing little punks on the slopes. I was flying down the hill at 40 mph and I flew through a church group while screaming cuss words, and then I ended up taking out these 4 kids. Yeah, all at the same time. Seriously, it was like human bowling. I skiied over this one kid and I think he was crying and saying something about my weight. THAT"S JUST RUDE-he didn't know me-he has no right to comment on my weight. So, after I skied over him, I did a triple lutz and slid down the hill at 40 mph for a quarter of a mile. Some other kid came over and helped was helping me up, but then he started talking funny and I couldn't understand him. I looked over at him, and I think I inadvertantly used his face as leverage to get up off the ground. In reality, I used his shoulder for support and this tightened his scarf over his mouth and he couldn't speak. As soon as I was up, the skis took off and I left my poles with the kid inadvertantly. I crashed really good at the bottom of the hill and slid headfirst for another quarter of a mile, and this time my pants decided to open up and take some snow home. In my pants. And underwear.

Cats.

This woman just called me. We pull up her insurance policy, and she tells me that she is taking both of her cats. She wants one of the cats to ride in the bottom of the plane with the other animals, and she wants the other one to ride in the cabin with her. I tell her that she needs to call the airline to find out. Now, a few thoughts.

How much does favoritism does she show to Fluffy that Mr Cat doesn't get.

How inconsiderate of others is this catwoman?

Has Mr Cat realized this, and what clothing of said woman has been distroyed as the result?

Wouldn't the air pressure rupture the cat's ear drums?

I am really pissed about something else right now, and am trying to take my mind off that crap. Regardless, If I was on this flight and had to deal with two hours of cat crys, I'd probably trip the woman as she exited the plane and rescue the cat from whatever other #### it has to endure.

9:32 Saturday night.

this is my weekend to work, and I am sitting here at work-listening to some song about some guy pulling on his laffy taffee, checking email and reviewing my 401k. I am thinking about changing this from conservative to aggressive. yeah, i have no idea of what that means either (if you said that). looking at all of these charts and stuff, I realized that this is that class i slept through at VCU. i am working all of this overtime and i was going to buy everyone a chia pet for christmas-until i saw that they are 19.95 for each one and the two people who sit next around me. anycrap, not gonna happen. i am so glad i am finding all of these old friends on myspace. yup that's tight.

Whoa....sometimes the customer is wrong.

www.phonelosers.org

www.customerssuck.com

My ever-expanding waistline

I am mad. Really hopping mad. At my waistline. Yup, something in my control. So, I go to wear pants today. I go to put on pants. Pants go on just fine. I go to zip up and button pants and this turns out to be a major task-more impossible than stealing candy from a baby. I never got into said pants. Now, I am filled with rage because I can't fit into pants and feel this craziness festering inside of me and I want to knock over a convenience store or something.