That crackhead sounded like he was Jonesin

You know them-those crackheads who are trying to be polite but are still being pushy, or as I call this being cracktackular. Asking all these questions, not waiting for an answer and interrupting you when you try to answer are traits of being cracktackular. Look around. How many cracktackular people are around you. Or are YOU cracktackular yourself?

It seems like I am on autopilot at work lately. I just keep staring at this screen and there are words just coming out of my mouth. I am usually paying attention to them to make sure I don't throw anything crazy in there or cuss at someone, but I don't think I am paying really that much attention. Has my job really become that involuntary?

I enjoy looking out the window and crazy British people up in my telephone.

At work, looking out the window is fun. I look out the window at home, but that is usually to see which crackhead from my neighborhood is causing the ruckus. Plus, I don't really enjoy the lovely view of the ghetto we have. I hate travel agents-they are angry evil idiots.

Canadians have weird zip codes. I just talked to one and his zip was all M2H3j7. Yeah, eh. I wonder if his head was like Ike's from Southpark.

Old white people are ignorant/rude too; "You people" sent me this form. "You people" didn't send me a card. I dunno, but when some old crap says "you people" I am offended. It makes me want to rip their dentures out and then pull their depends up over their heads wedgie style. Then I would say, "NO! YOU PEOPLE WITH YOUR DENTURES HANGIN OUT AND YOUR CRAP STAINED DIAPERS PULLED OVER YOUR HEAD CAN ADDRESS ME BY SIR YOU SORRY SACK OF SENIOR S#*$!"

I am having coffee! I am on my second cup! Everything deserves an exclamation mark!

I am speaking in fragments. I just told my customer that "Just to let you know it takes 5-7 business days." Oddly, my customer did not ask what it took 5-7 business days to do. Have another cup. I hate travel agents. They are like really lacking and usually speak all monotone with this "I HATE MEN/I JUST RIPPED MY NEIGHBORS JUNK OFF BECAUSE IT IS TUESDAY" attitude. Barbara/Susan-put the painkillers/muscle relaxers down or get a different job. I am sure your customers are just thrilled to deal with you, you pleasant little thing.

Sir, can you learn to speak English and then call back?"

A personal thank you to Laura.

I must thank Laura for opening my eyes on many different levels. First off, on being true to oneself and opening my eyes to what is right and wrong. Second off, make better decisions and don't be hasty in making them. Don't buy crap (like the honda). Don't take crap (from the phone company or anyone including the fraternal order of police when they call at 8 in the morning). Don't fling crap (like my mother and her how nothing is her fault and everyone is either stupid or a transvestite or trying to invade her brain). I admire Laura for her wisdom and all that is Laura. So, hats off to Laura and three cheers to her. Hip, Hip, Hooray!

The morons that Rachel and I endure....

Hats off to Rachel. She endures my hating of white people at work. Sometimes, I really hate white people. They are so dumb. Well, all people can go dumb at times, and some more than others. We enjoy making fun of the people and our comaraderie makes the shift go by quicker. There is no one else I can think of that I enjoy making fun of crackers with.

So, I have dumb people up in my phone telling me that their house is moving-is this a covered reason for cancellation? Well, it sounds like a covered reason until you realize the house is only moving due to the hallucinagenic drugs that my customer is on. Oh, Rachel where are you? I am left to face the idiot from each village alone on this evening. I hope you are having a great day off. So, on top of this, I accidently switched a day off for someone else's so he could go to a ball game. It was only after it went through that I realized I am now going to be working 8 days straight. And people be messin with me cuz I'm fat. Well, I got some news for you. I am gonna go to a smorgasbord and eat some crazy s#*& and come to fertilize your lawn you crazy chicken f*&#%. "One thousand three" is not an area code-but I wouldn't expect any less from a New Yorka than to argue with me over petty crap. At least not today. This lady has no clue what a policy number is; THIS IS THE # specific to your policy. "What is my poricy (policy) number?" You give this number to the people and they pull up your policy by that number. If it is wrong policy #, then the wrong policy will appear. Blah blah blah my commission insurance....commission insurance? Are you a travel agent? No. Commission/corrision(collision in English not Engrish)-what's the difference? Seriousry.

Grocery Shopping at Wallyworld and Lobster taunting.

Walmart on a Saturday is the epitomie of white trash. Billy get 'er done on aisle 3, Texas Timmy and his Nascar fans in the frozen meat section, and Brenda and her 47 half dressed messy faced kids. Oh Brenda. GET YOUR TRACTOR A** out of my way and round your dang kids up or something. But I do so enjoy taunting the lobsters. Last time I did this was on a busy Saturday, and a bunch of kids (at least 7 or 8) joined in on knocking on the glass before a bunch of parents started to yell at all of us. And the lobster wrangler guy was laughin the whole time.

New car.

I got a newer car. It's a Saturn and it goes VROOOM muthaf*#%a.

New car hopefully and related realizations.

I am trying to go buy a new car tomorrow. I am trying to not get excited as something will happen and the car will be gone and I will be dissapointed as normal. Why can't good things happen for me? It seems that I am stuck in a s#&*hole life and it's a really bad afterschool special about crackheads or something. I've never done crack-why do I have to suffer the consequences and live like a crackhead? I have made great accomplishments as of lately and I all want is for someone to say "HEY, You are doing a good job at being yourself. I am PROUD OF YOU." I quit drinking and people generally respond with "hey that's great and all, I'm gonna get a beer." I quit smoking and Laura brought it to my attention that I have become "a different person" and brought up how everyone in her department feels that I should go back to smoking. I think that I am doing quite well, and my next step is to get in shape. I wonder what that will wash over me.....

I royally f#*$%d up father's day. Laura and I had tried to set it up so we could take them out together. Well, my dad can't eat spicy food so he couldn't eat at Joes-I figured he and I could eat together. He would have rather not. So, I screwed up the whole day but could you expect any less of me?

I am really tired of this bs in my life. I can't do anything right, I have to depend on others for stupid crap because I can't drive and should be nominated for loser of the year. Gosh, even Napolean has a better life than I do. I think I am going to stop waisting energy trying to be pleasant. Its just not worth it.

Inanimate objects and my reality check.

So, I have quit smoking for 5 days now, taken care of my license, cleaned my house, got my laptop, set up paying my car insurance and student loans by automatic draft, and just need to wash my clothes this weekend.

I feel energetic with all of this extra energy from nicotine cravings. I couldn't sleep the other night, so I moped the kitchen floor at 4 in the morning. I mean mopped, not mopeded or anything. Have you seen my kitchen? You couldn't moped in there. Although, there was a moped/scooter in the kitchen when that hurricane happened.

I appreciate riding in a convertible.

Blue sky pickle 3000 turbo vegetable orange door chicken testicle near vacation fish porn apple tostido houseparty drinkers hands drive thru bigfoot arrested bricks school house Beckley, West Virginia. Saturn Hi-C back surgury wedding french fries.

Originally, this was a free writing exercise, but after riding around in a convertible the other day, I really do appreciate riding in a convertible. It was fun. However I am sure the people in other cars were wondering how much crisco it took to get my fat a$$ into that Miata.

I want to use all of my Princess points for a Coccoon

This week is really sucking bigtime. And it is only Tuesday. I am sure I am going to shoot someone I swear. But I haven't had a cigarette in going on two days. You know, you ask someone in a clerical division for to handle something for you and it takes a week and a fu*#&!g half for them NOT to do it and waste your &*%#)&(#*%( time. I'd try to climb back into the uterus, but not my mom's.

The Death is around me....

So, Laura has no spleen anymore. My dad has a diabetic ulcer on his foot. Somebody told me that means amputation if they can't fix the circulation. Muhammed has some skin problem and was hospitalized. Now, Sean was in an accident or some crap like that and no one's heard from him at this point. Is there some curse around me or something? I am nervous about the health issues going around me that I am scared of going to the Dr myself.

I really don't want to hurt you....I am just quitting smoking.

Okay, so I climbed out of bed at 230 today because I was sure this was going to be a s#$**y monday. I don't LIKE MONDAYS. For some reason, I was certain this one was tainted for some reason. I DON"T LIKE MONDAYS YOU *#)($!&%(*&^%(*_#&%&)*_#&%&)*%#%(&*()%#&_(*#&$()*_&%#@($)^T&)+&@#_)*(%)@#%.

I am quitting smoking today. I am a little more high strung than usual. As Laura will tell you, I really turn when I really try to quit. Everyone is just a giant ahole and my attitude completely changes and becomes pessimistic. But thus far I am doing good especially for this being a Monday you barbeque #** licker. Updates tomorrow you pumpkin $*#@(ng spatulas.

Real Life and expenses and other crap.

Paying rent is not hard to do when you have the money. It is due the same time each month, so no big problem there. Car insurance and other payments like student loans and due the same time each month; again not a problem (at this point). What gets you are those crazy utility/gas, electric and phone bills that are due when the ____ ever as well as unexpected bills and groceries. You have to really strategically plan this out. The equation goes something like how cheaply do i have to eat this month in order to be able to afford my unexpected expenses and hope I don't get in trouble for bs reasons.

The other issue is do I have job security? I don't know how your job is, nor mine for that matter. I think I am operation at times on sheer terror. I am doing what I am suppossed to be doing, trying to do my job to the best of my ability by meeting all of my goals and requirements, but there is one aspect of the job that is scaring the heck out of me. The rumors and gossip and high school stuff that travels around quicker that the sound of glass shattering. Another thing is, Virginia is a right to work state. I like my job and feel proud of myself for being in the same job, same position with minimal problems for 6 months without missing a single day of work. That's right-I haven't missed a day in 6months. Impressive; It used to be I couldn't keep a job that long a few years ago. (The ADHD is not controlling me). Unfortunately, I do worry about job security and how much longer I will be employed here. I like working here and am doing all that I am suppossed to. Oddly, I have never had a job of this caliber that I was this dedicated to, and am guessing I am suffering from dilusional paranoid scitzophrenia or something.

On top of having a piece of crap car, there is some crap going on with my license that seems to be an administration error or something of that nature, but then isn't it always something or another with me???

SUV debate article of interest

http://www.thedrewview.com/suv_debate.htm

Fourteen chicken wings of fire.

I realize they are out there. I saw one yesterday. Them. No, not them but them. The crazies. Yes, they are amusing. Like the woman I used to ride the bus with, Gloria. No, the public transportation-not the short bus. So, the first time I met her, Gloria bent over with her butt 5 feet from me, pulled her skirt up (which covered her back), grabbed her ankles and started singing London Bridge is falling down. So, apparently, my work is somewhere in the middle of her route to crazytown because we've been seeing her cutting through the parking lot a lot lately. I heard someone cussing while smoking a few months ago, and looked up to see Gloria petting a tree calling it a mother*#&%$. In other news.....

Watch out for inanimate objects.

So the other day, I almost took out this giant plant on the way to my desk. Sure, I am not the most graceful person but I know this. Today, that plant tried to attack me. I swear, and I thought they were fake. I don't work during the day, so I never see the lady water them. But they look fake. Now it's like the wizard of oz up in here and I got plants trying to get me.

There was a guy at walmart today, backing out of a parking space looking off into space and taking his and everyone else's time. He had this blank stare on his face like he was thinking about doughnuts, and I had my jaw dropped to the floor and he just stared at me like I was one of the doughnuts he was thinking of instead of driving. Man my feet smell.

Monkey related paraphenalia and other monkey business....

I am chatting with my coworkers on Memorial day as we are sitting around and the conversation takes a turn from cops pulling people for stupid reasons, like my pull the other day because my license plate was hanging crooked, to judges and so forth. So Steven tells us about this time in a New Kent courtroom where a woman brought her therapy monkey with her to court. The Therapy Monkey was stapped into a stroller and just getting bored by the usual court procedings. So the monkey started to throw crackers at the judge. Hmmm. Amusing. Onwards we go. Then there is the new song by Gwen Steffani-Round the block or something. Anycrap, in the middle of the song, it starts to talk about Bananas are the (explititive) and spells bananas. Hmmm. Then there is the skit on SNL where there is a talk show called "Monkeys Throwing Poo at Celebrities." To top it all off, I have a bunch of bananas in my desk. I hope that some monkey doesn't come along and flings poo at me while stealing my bananas. Hmmm.