What made my day worth it....

I spoke with a really interesting woman earlier. She was a black woman in her mid 60's that was training to learn dogsledding. She wanted to be the first black woman to dogsled in Antartica. She was filled with a whole hearted laughter that made me feel warm and protected and secure, even though it may have seemed just this side of crazy. At the end of our conversation, she told me a story about her trip to Manitoba. They were travelling in this sub zero weather on a tall platform transporter and everything was covered in snow. "Everything was white around except for me." They spotted a bear in the woods and he came towards the transporter, his fur as white as the snow. "he was staring at me from the moment he saw me." He came up to the transporter and stood up and was about 8 feet tall. With the bear still staring directly at this woman, the bear cleared his throat. "Suddenly the bear was speaking. Do you know what that bear said?" I was sitting on the edge of my seat listening to this story like a little kid, eager to find out what the bear said. "That bear said, Oh Damn. There goes the neighborhood. (HAHAHAHAHA as the woman laughs that comforting laugh). I told that bear to shut his Nazi a@@ up and get on."

Talking with this person and hearing this story was the highlight of my day. Oddly enough, I have this juvenile feeling of awe that you know from the first time you read THE POLAR EXPRESS. Yeah, odd but enlightening.

Purple starfish in my gazebo. (Made you look)

I really can't think of anything to write about, so I figure I will waste the rest of my lunch just typing words that fit together. You know English is the hardest language to learn. I wonder what my friends are doing right this minute. I can see them laughing and enjoying the company of each other, and I am trapped behind this desk, or atleast doing something that makes staring at the wall seem interesting. Atleast I have some ice peppermint tea. Its no cigarette and beer fiesta, but it is really some good stuff. Just like my lunch: chicken and potato salad. Yeah, I took two good things and made them one. I know, I rule. I hope I win the lottery soon. I guess I should buy a ticket first. Yeah, that might be a good start genius. I wonder if Wilford Brimley is testing his diabetis right now. Hmm. Anycrap, I think I am going to go walk around in a circle for the remaining 7 minutes of my lunchtime. (What is going on with me today-I am supertard or something.) Okay, I have decided against walking around in that aforementioned circle for various reasons. 1) It takes energy. 2)With my luck, I will get dizzy and loose balance and coordination and take out someone's desk. 3) I just don't want to anymore-it seems foolish that i wanted to do so in the first place. 4) Yeah. So, in closing, I hope you people out there are having fun; be well, prosper and let me get back to helping america with their silly questions.

Help! I am suffering from an alergic reaction to life! Somebody medicate me!

At first, I thought that overtime was good. Work more, get more money. Wrong. I realized this when the government decided to pretty much keep most of the overtime that I had worked. So, now that the overtime is over, I can go back to living a semi-normal productive life. Or atleast I anticipate. So, what is going to happen next? We shall have to wait and see. Oh, I saw a bootlegged version of White Noise. I don't recall seeing a bootlegged film before, but this was funny. Everybody in the audience was suffering from the plague or something. Coughing the whole time throughout the movie-the only thing that was scarry about watching this movie was when Laura called for the cat when she went to sleep. I thought the "white noise" was calling for the cat. Hmm. Oh crap-I wonder how bad tomorrow is going to suck. Goodnight.

THE WORST FRIDAY EVER

I woke up the 5th time the phone rang this morning, and ended up screaming at Will. Unfortunately, his call followed the 4 previous ones which were hang ups, presumably for the christmas store. Sorry Will. My car smells funny on the way to work. I know, I mean funnier than usual. Like turpentine and candy. On fire. Yeah. I get to work and try to give a little friendly advise to a coworker which ends up with her pulling out the race card on me. No, Not a race car but the race card. I am so offended, upset and embarrassed by this that I start to calmly flip out. I talk to a member of management and then everything completely blows up and it turns out to be "a misunderstanding." Hmm. I still don't know how the friendly advice I was attempting to give got resulted in me be accused of making racist remarks, jokes and comments.

Wilford Brimley has been annoying me lately.

Wilford Brimley is getting on my nerves. He can't be the Quaker Oats man anymore with those diabeatis he is always talking about. Every time I settle down on the couch to watch the Price is Right, I hear about how my testing supplies can be delivered to my door and that I don't even have to go to the pharmacy any more and hang out with the old which are eminating various ointment related smells. If it is not that, then it is for the Scooter store or Hov-a-round. How do those two old people get to the top of that rock formation on a hov-a-round. Those things can't defy gravity, can they? I mean if so I better go get pre qualified by the scooter store so that when medicare denies my claim I will still get the scooter for free.

Saw a sign today stating that old people are the highest carriers of aids: hearing aids, medicaid, walking aids, rolaids, etc. It was quite funny cuz the guy who owns the garage is 102 or something like that and still inspects cars. I know where I am taking the Accord now if it doesn't fall apart before the next inspection.

End of that quiet week.

By the way, that quiet week ended with $265 in car repairs. Apparently, my steering knuckle was being held on by one stripped bolt just resting there. Driving home on last Wednesday, I hit a bump and heard pa-ting-ting-ting. This was one of the two bolts holding the steering knuckle. Car surgury was quoted at $241 at Sears, which is as far as I could take it due to the THUNDER in the left wheel when the brakes were applied. The guy calls me and tells me $336; he forgot to add the labor cost. He explains the parts needed; I tell him I am not paying $50 for new brake pads because the ones on the car are 2 weeks old. $283. I pick the car up with the new rotor, new pads and this knuckle thing-$265. Hmmm. See Ron White, and his view on Sears Auto Center......

I have read and understand the terms and conditions.

Terms and conditions may apply. With any contract in the real world, there are terms and conditions. Usually, you must acknowledge that you have read and understand the terms and conditions, releasing whatever company from the liability associated with said contract. Nobody is impervious to said terms and conditions. You can't sue if green munchkins pop out of your chimney and destroy your house because you did not return your movies on time. And how about everyone who wants to challenge the terms and conditions is a lawyer. Every single one. THEY ARE ALL LAWYERS, or atleast they play one on tv-especially when they realize now that they should have taken a few moments to read the TERMS AND CONDITIONS.

In case of emergency....

So everything is calm. A little too calm. Something bad is going to happen. Soon. I know. I have been working so much overtime lately and nothing interesting is happening in my life. Like the other day I bought shoes. Woa. So, I know something bad is going to happen. Like my toilet is going to mysteriously grow to GIANTOR TOILET. Or my friends are all going to get run over by a clown car and I will be be able to do is take some valium and click my heels 3 times. I am not looking forward to the lurking horrors that are sure to ensue. Nope, not at all.

A semi-uneventful week

Nothing really happened this week. I did get yelled at for some bad decisions on my part, but outside of that nothing really happened. The sun rose and set, it rained and gas is $2.13 a gallon. The highlight of my week so far was buying some sandals-I am not one to get excited over such purchases but with all the overtime I am working (and the reality of how boring this week really was) it was out of the ordinary for the week. So that would be the highlight. Oh, yeah...the cat startled me last night when I wasn't paying attention. Oh, yeah...I left my sunglasses at work last night and I went grocery shopping this morning. Yeah, that is all.

You gotta love Mrs. Finklebaumstein.

Mrs. Finklebaumstein, Oh Mrs. Finklebaumstein. What it must be like to be you, or your cat Gretel for that matter. I understand how you prefer Metamucil because it is not chalky, but I just can't seem to understand why you and Saul can't seem to get along with your neighbors, the Schwartenfelds. She might have stolen your Gefilte fish recipe, but I am sure that yours will be the best because It was it was made with gesphitza.

Saturday mornings.....

I have always loved Saturday mornings, except while in college. As a child, we all got up early to watch cartoons until our parents finally got their lazy butts out of bed to pour us a bowl of Cornflakes. As we entered high school, we hung out with our friends till the wee hours of the morning. College brought us to partying late friday nights and waiting to order breakfast at Denny's while the sun was starting to rise. Now, I have come full circle. I used to go with my friend CJ to tow cars on Saturday mornings, but it seems that he has fallen off the earth- this was aroung the time when I asked him for help to fix my brakes. Now, I do things. And stuff. But I got to get out and do something on Saturdays, even if that is dousing my car in gasoline. I can't wait for tomorrow because it is..........another Saturday morning.