Unnecessary worry

Whenever I use the stove/oven, I know I left this on.

I worry that someone at work will kill my fish by knocking it over, or just plain eating him when they get hungry.

I worry that I will eat all of my food up before we go grocery shopping again.

I worry the cat will piss on my down conforter, so I don't use it. And if I do, I keep my door closed.

That's all for now.

My life as it relates to a cheeseburger.

the bun is moist and soft, just like my waistline. yup, that's gross. i am a conglomeration of condiments and processed meat on covered in big mac sauce. there are tomato slices which like many of my ideas, spoil unless acted swiftly upon. The lettuce is good for you, but it is crunchy and tasteless-like some of the things I've said and done, and on par with my functioning capability early in the morning. The beef is fast food restaurant style-not grade A or Angus, but definately not grade F. The pickles are a little bitter, kind of like my self esteem and paying the consequences for my bad decisions. Onions add to the whole experience, but naturally come with smell, as do my feet. Ketchup (catsup really infuriates me-it is a man made product, so let's go with the made up name-not the one that looks real) reiterates the tomato, and beats a dead horse. But ketchup and tomato are not the same. They are different. Okay, that is how my life relates to a cheeseburger.

20 Thoughts for getting through any crisis.

1. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

2. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a geniune lack of preparation.

4. Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.

5. The facts, althought interesting, are irrelevant.

6. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

7. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

8. Things are more like they are today then they have ever been before.

9. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

10. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

11. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

12. I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

13. Ther is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

14. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

15. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

16. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

17. One seventh of you life is spent on Monday.

18. By the time you make ends meet, the ends have moved.

19. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

20. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

skipping stones/kidney stone #1-defeated

So, we all know by now I got the kidney stones. If you are lucky, you've heard about Dr Volvo and his pottymouth-Yes, he did say to me "So tonight, when you are f*****g some hooker and you can't nut, I don't want to get a call in the middle of the night cussing me out..."

Anycrap, stone 1 moved naturally down to my bladder and has been pressing on it for the last week. I pee every hour or so. Yeah, it sucks. So this morning, I get up to pee and I am in the bathroom. I start to urinate, and notice my pressure is off-so I use those kegel exercises to contract my bladder and increase pressure and then I get this odd sensation as the stone is exiting my body and I said"that's not right", and then I heard pa ting ting ting! and then said "that's definately not right" as the stone ricochets off the sides of the toilet.

So, I go online to yahoo images to look at kidney stones and make sure that's what I just passed-not some fossilized barbie shoe or something that my cousin has been missing for 20+ years. It is a kidney stone-and looks like a minature coral reef or something. Yup.

Damn. Sometimes I swear that I must be retarded.

?

Working the weekend sucks.

I don't know how you could have a good weekend, if you are working. Well, I did this in college so at least I only have to do this once a month now. Anycrap, it could be viewed as good-I am staying out of trouble (I AM NOT LOOKING AT PORN ON THE INTERNET) and I am not out knocking over a liquor store, so ?

The more I think and type, the more my head tilts like Forest Gump and his son. Dang

Weird Dream

Adam Campen, Laura and I are standing in the yard of this house from children of the corn and it is pitch black. Laura gets my attention, and tells me to look across the field. There is a cop car hiding in the middle of the corn field, so I decide not to get rid of the gun.

We turn around and walk across the street and are suddenly in a residential neighborhood. We climb the bush infested enbankment of someone's front yard. I wipe the prints off the gun, and hide it under a plant. We go in the house.

I go to the bathroom and when I come back, Hayride John is there. He is wearing this hideous Pink/orange shirt and pants and glaring at me. Laura and Adam are on opposite sides of the room staring at cobwebs or whatever, so they don't have to talk to John.

"Where is the murder weapon?" he asks me-I know he is asking me because I can't get away with lying. I can't even tell a bad lie. So, I respond with "the murder weapon is not a gun, and it is definately not in the front yard."

There are two cops in the doorway; they are dressed as drummer boys/nutcrackers with all black except for the black cherry leather vests. John tells me that I am not in trouble, the cops can check the finger prints off of the gun. I tell him they can't because I wiped them off.

The dream ends with me telling him that "We can't be responsible for the murder because we don't know who was murdered and don't know where the body is." And then it ends with everyone being completely satisfied with that answer as proof of our innocence.

Hayride is over

It's now November and the Hayride is over. That sucks. It seems that one time a year, we all come together and have some fun and then bam it's over. Yup. I got to do everything this year-even parking lot when I killed my back. I worked on the hayride and in scream forest with the kids. I feel really old at times. I devised a plan to protect L'Aura from Dustin-it was suppossed to be done by both Little and Big Jeremy-when L'Aura said "It's go time Jeremy"and they would surround him and just start asking him questions and not give him a chance to answer. Big Jeremy didn't go for it. But Little Jeremy answered the call, and from what I hear it was funny as can be.